FLYING: Confessions of a Free Woman

I am a (recently) single mother of a beautiful 28-month-old daughter. When I say recently single, I mean it’s been just over a month. And it’s been awful. After a couple of weeks of crying myself to sleep I thought I’d made some headway with this grief process but today I’ve hit a low.

It’s Monday and I’ve survived another weekend. Weekends are hard. They remind me of how alone I am, everywhere I look I see couples or see activities advertised that are best suited to couples. I really wanted to go a concert this past weekend. Womack & Womack, Ashford & Simpson, Caiphus Simenya & Letta Mbulu – romantic stuff for couples.

I’d forgotten how obsessed the world is with couples. I’ve been on my own for such a short period of time and already the jokes are there – about how long it’s been since I’ve had it, which guys would be right or wrong for me. don’t get me wrong – I’m not the victim here - I make fun of myself, put the pressure on myself.

But the truth is I am terrified that I’m going to have to do this all over again. Find someone new to be with because I know I don’t want to be alone and I know that in time I’ll see things differently and still I am terrified because I don’t know how many more painful, heart wrenching break-ups I can endure.

My friends all tell me that I am strong and I know I am – I’ve weathered a few storms in my short life – but that’s just it – I’ve had enough. I’ve had enough of believing that love is enough because it so obviously isn’t. It wasn’t enough to pay the bills, to soldier on and fight for this relationship. It wasn’t enough to keep him with me and my darling daughter he said he loved so much. Love is NEVER enough.

My whole world feels out of kilter – my flat is a mess. I come home to my 70–year-old mother and 2-year-old daughter every day. There’s not enough space for all of us – I feel like the walls are closing in. I know there’ll be better days but right now it sucks!

This entry was posted on Friday, May 30th, 2008 at 7:13 am and is filed under Theresa, Family, Relationships. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.